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This is a theory but bear with me. Those of us who arefortunate enough to look good, great, and passable are, in my own opinion,less likely to engage in denial. Those of us who unfortunately look likelinebackers in sacks are more likely to engage in denial. How do I knowthis? Firsthand experience. Most of us operate alone, crossdressing can bea seriously lonely endeavor. Years ago in facing the urge to crossdresswell I went to a tranformation service in Connecticut. While I had toovercome the intial trepidation of openly admitting to the proprietor thatI was a life long crossdresser I quickly determined that she was entirelyaccepting and moreover encouraging. Over the next few hours my look waspolished to the enth degree and she achieved a degree of realism I hadnever been able to achieve on my own. Being fully dressed, made up andcoiffed I looked and felt absolutely female, entirely passable, andjubilantly content. When you cross that line denial becomes unthinkablefor you have. For Estelle, hooded following an instance of defiance that afternoon, I ensured that her discomfort was no more than I intended.Then, confident that all was secure, I took myself off to my bedroom up on the third floor. Upon my nightstand, a small glass of green tea sat steaming in a welcoming way, promising relaxation before sleep. Beside it, the evening newspaper, untouched until now, lay neatly folded; offering a measure of diversion from my own concerns. Had I wished for consideration of more weighty matters – not, I consider, a good idea when contemplating a night's sleep – a volume relating the analysis of no less than fifty instances of enhanced female sexual response as a result of stress-induced hysteria also awaited my attention.I contented myself with the green tea and the news in the paper of an extraordinary talent contest sponsored by the publisher whereby seeming unknowns from the streets of the metropolis were encouraged to imagine that they could somehow be.
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